Date: January 11, 2008 at 05:35:41
From: Nikki
Age: 35
Subject: Chill and pull back
To be honest, it does sound like she's not so into you at the moment.
But who knows from the little bit of info possible to write in a short message. Your relationship could be perfectly fine. It HAS only been three weeks, and there was travel, a holiday, and illnesses to contend with.
HOWEVER, no matter what is going on, there is one piece of advice I would stress. BACK OFF!
Look, if she's having second thoughts about the relationship, you showing your insecurity or asking to see her over and over or messaging her countless times will just push her away.
On the other hand, if you back way off, you have a chance at getting her interest. She might realize that you aren't a given in her life. She could miss you and decide she wants to be with you more than she thought.
Now if she truly is still into you, she can just initiate contact herself. You will be risking nothing by pulling back.
Tor, I know it's harder than hell to restrain yourself. I get it. I've been there. I've had impulses to make contact that were almost impossible to resist. But somehow, you really have to.
Here are a few things that worked for me. Force youself to get active. If you want to pick up the phone, go to the gym or jog or jump rope. Wear yourself out physically. Leave your cell phone at home and get out of the house. Do crunches before bed instead of calling. Call a friend instead of her. Spill your guts to your friend and leave it at that.
DO NOT message her. It's way too easy! You don't have to have personal contact and you can compose and send a little text message in an instant at the slightest impulse. Give your cell phone to friend to keep for you if you just can't help yourself.
Of course you are worried, but don't show it! Nothing drives a woman away faster than a clingy guy who is on the phone 24/7!!!!!!!!!!! If a person is on the fence, constant contact can push him/her into a negative decision like nothing else.
Conversely, creating a little mystery goes a long way.
Good luck, Tor.
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