I'm not a good person to answer this, as actually I have just about never been turned on by porn. It looks so mechanical, and I know it's all an illusion -- the people in it are mostly desperate folks doing it only for the money, and faking enjoyment, and some of them have been profoundly damaged by abuse in their past.
And actually, aside from giving or getting orgasm, my greatest pleasure is to rest my head on my partner's chest, or have my partner do the same. So we might be just perfect for each other! (Just kidding, just kidding...)
I do think there is a very nasty side to the sex drive of most males. I find the idea of rape profoundly unattractive, to say the least, but still, I felt a little bit of interest when you wrote about doing something you don't like "often enough." I suspect that in most males the idea of "taking" the partner regardless of what she wants has a certain appeal. One might even suspect that it's biological, in that natural selection back in cave man days would have favored, well, the rapists over the non repists in terms of reproduction. But part of being civilized is recognizing one's nasty impulses and learning not to act on them. And if you're with a lover who is asking you to do something you don't like a few times, and you do it for him, that's great, but if you still don't like it and let him know that and he asks you again and again, well, that's not "love" to me, unless he's a true fetishist who needs that something to fully get off, in which case the couple needs to have a big discussion about what to do about it.
About orgasm, all I can say is, there is orgasm and there is orgasm. Men can also come from masturbation pretty easily, and the fantasies are at least for some of us and in some crude ways much better (even when I was young, there was no way I would have ever "done" a whole cheerleader squad even if they would have let me, but I could still think about it), but for some reason we keep seeking out partners, despite all the trouble it causes us! Not only are some orgasms physically far more intense than others, but the meaning of orgasm depends on how it happens and who it happens with.
Back to porn: I think our whole culture has been damaged by television and video. It's not just porn. So many of us have become "monkey see, monkey do." We buy soaps based on the images created for us in the media. We vote for political candidates based on moronic ads that overimplify the issues to the point of absurdity. I know we don't agree about politics, but perhaps we would agree about that.
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