Nikki, good to hear from you, and glad we agree about media.
The business about wanting to do something your partner doesn't want is complicated. If I loved someone, I have trouble imagining wanting to do something to her that she didn't truly want. But suppose she at first didn't want it but then said it would be OK if it really turned me on? Or that she really wanted to do it if it was something I wanted? These things are often a negotiation of various intertwined desires. I agree with your basic point, though, especially if it's someone you really care about.
The idea of doing something to someone that they truly don't want remains, for me, strictly in the realm of fantasy, and even then, I couldn't imagine being turned on by force or rape. In fact, I must be wired quite differently from rapists, because I'm sure I could not stay hard in the face of a woman screaming "No! Stop!" How rapists can do that is a big mystery to me.
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