Date: February 08, 2008 at 14:42:48
From: Thomas
Age: 60
Subject: Re: Thanks!

Of course I agree with you 100 per cent. "Pressure" wasn't what I had in mind, but an open discussion about desires. Then the guy has to be very sensitive to the particular woman he is involved with, how "ready" she is to disregard her dislikes to please, and so on. If she's incredibly eager to please he shouldn't necessarily believe her about what she's willing to do. Things like facial expressions and tone of voice are important. There's a difference between, "It sounds yucky, but I'd like to try it anyway, maybe it wil lbe fun" and "OK, if you really really want it." Even then, how to understand lines like those depends on knowing the people involved.

I was trying to remember if I'd ever "pressured" a woman (or man) for anything in bed. I'm like you, really; if someone doesn't want it, then I don't really, except in fantasies sometime. I can only remembrer one example. I had a girlfriend years ago who had never masturbated and never had oral sex performed on her to orgasm and didn't like having oral sex performed on her. Curiously, she could come pretty easily from intercourse, and I feel sure she wasn't faking that. Once I tried to perform oral sex on her, without asking. She was quiet for a few minutes, and then started to breathe a bit differently, and then told me to stop, so I did. There was no more dicsussion about it until the next day, when she told me that she had asked me to stop because she felt that if she let me continue, she was going to have an orgasm.

Maybe with her I should have been more insistent, eh? I don't really think so; it's up to her as an adult to decide what she does or doesn't want. I tell this story (which I might have told here before, actually) since it's probably not the kind of thing you were thinking of.

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