Date: May 08, 2008 at 16:32:53
From: Nikki
Age: 34
Subject: Re: anal sex serious ?
Well, hardly anyone found the forum again after it was down for so long. So now there are very few posts or replies. Too bad, because there used to be some great people on here and some thought provoking discussions.
Anyway, I didn't respond to this question because we had another discussion about anal sex posted on here and it just about exhausted my opinion about anal sex. You can scroll down and read it if you like.
As for your issues with sex in general, it's too bad you don't currently enjoy it. Great sex is not only gratifying physically, but it can help create a closer bond between people.
Conversely, knowing that you aren't desired by your partner is very hurtful and destructive.
I think that if your relationship is going to survive, you have got to really change the way you react to his advances.
I would never tell someone to have sex if she/he doesn't want to. But by the same token, you have to realize that when you are in a monogamous relationship with someone, by definition, the only sex life that person has is with you! So if the quality of your sex life stinks, then you are depriving him of something vitally important to most people. Do not underestimate how important sex is to men!!!!!!
Personally, I would have been history by now if I were him. Sex isn't everything in a relationship by any means, but when you are being rejected continually by your partner, THAT can easily become a deal breaker.
My feelings would have been so hurt by now. The way you are reacting to him is kind of mean. You cannot be too sensitive in turning it...HIM...down. A lot of our identity and self esteem is wrapped up in how a sex partner reacts to us sexually. You are the only sex partner the guy has! So he must be feeling pretty down about himself sexually. How would you feel if you were approaching him for sex and he was making it very plain that it/you really turned him off?!
Of course, being asked to have sex that you don't want is gross too! I totally get that. Sex can be the biggest turn off there is! It can make you want to be anywhere on earth except in that bed with someone wanting sex from you!
But if you want your relationship to work out, or any in the future, you MUST get to the bottom of why you have these issues with sex.
There are books about lack of desire. You can go see your genie and talk to her. You can think about what is turning you off when it comes to sex, and work on those issues. If you have other problems in your relationship, work on those. They can impact how you feel about having sex. Get therapy if you need it.
Do WHATEVER it takes to overcome your aversion to sex. It is SO important!
BTW, it might help you to understand that there are many times even those of us who love sex are not in the mood for it. Yes, even me. Sometimes, I can tell my Hank is getting ready to make his move, and my gut reaction is that I REALLY wish he wouldn't right now. I'm tired or whatever.
But you know what? I normally just give it a chance. And usually what happens is that I get into it 100%. Very occasionally I won't get as turned on as normal. But mostly, as long as I act "as if" I want sex until I get a chance to get aroused, I DO get aroused! We have even had some of our best interactions on the nights that I started out being reluctant to even get started.
Of course, if I shut him down or made up my mind before hand that I wasn't going to enjoy it, then that would have been a self fulfilling prophecy, don't you agree? We are what we think!
Next time, why not just try giving yourself positive messages and sinking into the sensations of it all.
If you love him, then you SHOULD still be desiring sex with him. On the other hand, if the relationship is not meeting your needs, then sexual desire can be the first to go for women.
If he loves YOU, he may put up with the way you have been reacting to sex. But that would be a shame. Because he deserves to have his parnter desire him and enjoy sex with him.
Try to work on this. Your description of your anal sex adventures make it seem like you are basically pretty open. Can't you guys talk through this problem and find common ground?
Like maybe you might be more into it if the sex was not quite as freqent. Or if this or that was not incorporated into your sexual experiences, would that make you like it better? Or is it that you normally do not come when you have sex with him? You can, if you learn how to on your own or use different techniques with him.
So Sunshine, I haven't really answered your quesiton about anal sex, but then again, you can get answers like that by doing a little research on the internet. Good luck with your guy and your problem.
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