Date: August 28, 2009 at 09:03:11
From: ren
Age: 29
Subject: Re: was i sexually abused?
A tendency to destroy relationships is unfortunately common, regardless of sexual abuse history. It's hard to make any relationship work, it takes a long time to learn how to sustain them.
Odd fantasies are common, regardless of sexual abuse history. My girlfriend is a freak, no history sexual abuse.
From what you describe of your neighbors behavior it sounds fairly normal. Kids play house to model adult behavior, sometimes things cross the line into mimicking other adult behaviors that may not be appropriate, or at least that may seem inappropriate to adults. Unless they forced you to participate in some way, or something else happened to you I wouldn't interpret this memory as evidence of sexual abuse. They do sound a bit old to be playing house, but it sounds plausible to me that they were either a bit naive or found it a convenient excuse to make out. Statistically, girls around their age are not very likely to sexually abuse a girl in the 2nd grade. Most sexual abuse, especially of girls around your age then, is committed by men.
Lesbian porn is hot, and we live in a society where women are highly sexualized. You have grown up inundated with imagery of sexy women. It's very common for women to find other women hot, to enjoy lesbian porn, and to enjoy lesbian experiences. I don't think any girl I've known well enough to know those sort of personal details has NOT had some kind of sexual experience with another girl. At one end is my girlfriend who is hetero, she's made out with girls before and would go further if the circumstances were right. Although she doesn't much like lesbian porn, she does prefer porn in which she finds the women sexy and the focus is on their enjoyment. At the other end of girls I've known is my ex who is bi, she has dated and had sex with more girls than I have. In between are about a half dozen other girls, all of whom feel very attracted to men but to varying degrees don't feel that their sexuality is an either/or kind of thing.
None of this is to say that you weren't sexually abused, it is disturbingly common in America, particularly for girls. From what you've described I don't think that there is enough evidence to reach that conclusion. Memory is horribly unreliable, I recall reading a study which found that the vast majority of Americans under the age of 35 have the same set of various memories from their childhood that did not actually happen to them but mirror the television shows on at the time.
If you really want to dig into this you can find a therapist experienced in dealing with vaguely remembered childhood sexual abuse, but I strongly encourage you to do some research into the field first and to think through the implications of what may come from it.
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