Date: August 28, 2009 at 14:19:45
From: Nikki
Age: 37
Subject: Re: was i sexually abused?
Let me reassure you that many women who only want men for sexual partners center their attention on the women in the porn flicks. Why? Well, we are all conditioned by society to view the female body as beautiful and desirable.
Given all the conditioning we get, most of us, male AND female, find the female form alluring and very sexy.
So we like to look at it. You like to watch woman on woman sex. Think of it as just a glorification of what we are all conditioned to think of as sexually beautiful and arousing. It doesn't mean you are gay or bi. You say you only want sex with men. That's me also. BUT I love to LOOK at nude women.
As for having sex with one...no way. I love men too much. And I think men have stunningly sexy bodies! Male beauty just blows me away. Just thinking about men sweeps me away. :)
So while I find looking at nude women sexually arousing, the thought of actually having a sexual experience with one just leaves me unimpressed and not even a tiny bit curious. On the other hand, men drive me wild with desire.
As for thinking of what happened as sexual abuse, I do tend to agree with Ren.
Yeah, today everything is termed sexual abuse. I think it's just gotten way out of hand. Even a first grader smacking a girl's butt is thought of as abuse. Really?!
I can remember things from my childhood. I think some of that stuff is just growing up and kids play. But I guess I "should" be traumatized for life according to the extreme thinking of some today.
I'm not traumatized at all. :) I remember some things that happened, like playing doctor with the neighborhood boys when we were small. And naked dancing with my girl cousin when we were about eight or nine. I also remember my male cousin of about twelve or so mastubating in front of me when I was about five or six. I thought soap was coming out of him. :) And that happened at a family gathering in the bathroom of a very small house. I always wonder how he got away with it.
Honestly, I don't think of that stuff as abuse. I guess my cousin comes closest, but I didn't even really realize what was going on. I guess I thought it was "naughty" cause I never told my parents. But it didn't trouble me for the rest of my life either.
Look, there can be a LOT of reasons why you "destroy" relationships at your age. One of them is that you just aren't old enough or mature enough to keep one going. Or that the guys your age aren't.
And friendships with other girls can be really tough to maintain at your age too!
My guess is that you're just fine. I would hate for you to think of yourself as an "abuse" victim on the basis of what you describe. I sure don't think you are.
I'm sure there are "odd" fantasies that people have, but most fantasies are not "odd" at all. I think Thomas can explain that better than I can. If you think having fantasies about other girls is odd, then I would strongly disagree with that!
Remember that having a fantasy about something does not mean you truly want to do that thing. It can be more about finding some aspect of it sexually arousing.
Anyway, I hope this reassures you that you are normal and have no reason to worry at 17.
Now if you find yourself destroying all your relationshps when you are older, then you should try to determine why and work on it. But I seriously doubt if it was because of this experience.
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