Date: February 04, 2010 at 16:24:39
From: ren
Age: 30
Subject: ladies and gentlemen, we are floating in space
Life is generally pretty fucking awesome.
My relationship continues to improve, living together actually helped a lot. We both still have issues, but things have really never been better. I don't remember the last time we had a real upset emotional argument. We generally get along great and are happy with how things are going. As far a I have seen she is completely committed to sustaining and improving our relationship.
Unsurprisingly, I have trust problems. Not that they aren't justified by the past but I do worry they may never go away. I think I'm pretty self-aware about it, and I keep it pretty well hidden, this is really the only way I'll know that I can believe myself.
Since getting her job there have been a lot of new people in her life and some aspects of it have become less transparent. I can't help but see every guy as a potential threat. She's hot, she works with a bunch of guys in our age range, it's not hard to do the math! I've been getting to know most of these guys so I imagine that will discourage any of them from making a move. I have no reason to believe she has an interest in anyone else, I am confident that she will rebuff anyone.
We are talking about moving into our own place together soon, she is increasingly gungho about it. We still get along with roomates but there are various issues. We recently house-sat for several weeks and it was sort of a rude awakening coming home.
She is also possibly going to have health insurance soon and will be able to get treatment for her BPD. She has said she intends to, she even went and got assessed awhile back but it was too expensive without insurance. It does still manifest itself occasionally but I know how to deal with it much better now and she is much more self-aware. I realize that my entire approach to dealing with her during these times was just escalating the problem and focusing it back at me.
We do still drink too much, no other recreational drugs though. Her more than me usually. We don't need to drink to have fun, and we party way less, but it is still there. Her dad is very clearly an alcoholic. An extremely functional and healthy alcoholic, but none the less he is drinking or drunk almost constantly. I think part of it comes from recognizing that his life is nearing it's end, I think he views it through the prism of his literary background in many ways. Nearly all the great literary figures lived or died as drunks. Hemingway is one of his heroes I believe.
One of our roomates is also very clearly an alcoholic.
Compared to them neither of us really has a "drinking problem", but it's something that concerns me.
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